


Cowhara Sins

by FrostieFroakie



Series: Monsterfucker Collection [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Cows, Crack Fic, HES A COW/HUMAN HYBRID, Hybrids, Joke Fic, M/M, Milking, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, cow!saihara, plz im d y ing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 15:33:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19704301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostieFroakie/pseuds/FrostieFroakie
Summary: Welcome to Ram Ranch!Home of the sweetest cow to ever live.His milk was favored and oh so popular all across the land. So of course he had to be milked oftenAnd Kokichi, being the owner of said farm and cow, just loved~ 'milking sessions'(A/N: kill me)





	Cowhara Sins

**Author's Note:**

> Thisssss is so cursed.........
> 
> This is the joke fic guys, yall thought Orcahara was a joke but hahahahaHAH i want death fxydvdjbx
> 
> 2 friends and i were just memeing in a google Doc and thissssss shit happened... Then they were like 'are u gonna post this??? U should post this!!!' And i crack under pressure apparently lmfao im kidding i just wanna see yall reaction to this tbh because yall flipped over an orca so this should be good I3
> 
> You can tell it started out as us fuckin around and just became me putting much too much effort and thought into this garbage / v\
> 
> I did some spelling and grammer editing but other then that, 100% raw
> 
> If u make it to the end then uh.... Good job u trooper o vo;

**Cowhara Sins**

Welcome to Ram Ranch!!

Kokichi was a very loved rancher. His favorite cow was named Shuichi. Shuichi had the sweetest milk. Kokichi used it in everything. Cereal, coffee, whatever else u can put milk in. Not only that but, he produced the most milk out of anyone on the farm! Bring that cash in, yo !

Milking Shuichi was always the best. He was so docile. A lil shy though, but soooo willing to let his rancher handle him like he always does. Even if Kokichi got a little…  _ rough. _ It felt nice though… like a very pleasurable internal massage. Despite how willing Shuichi was, Kokichi always had to do a little coaxing. His favourite customer was a nice lady named non-specific person. She was a  _ huuuuge  _ fan of Shuichi and always loved to see the shy cow. But thats not the point of this story. Another story for another day. 

Right now, it's time for a little farm lesson from Kokichi. Step 1, on getting your shy cow to relax for milking. Approach them carefully. Make sure they know u mean no harm. Otherwise they'll kick. And that shit hurted. 

"Shuichi, sweety, it's milking time~"

"........Again?.... Already?..."

"People reeeeally~ like ur milk =3"

"Oh……."

“Welp! Due to the influx of orders, this sesh will hafta be extra hard! uwuwuuwu” 

Shuichi is both excited and lil scared. Extra hard? He was already a bit rough when he really got into milking sessions…. 

“Don’t worry though, Shuichi! I’ll make sure I take good care of you…~”

Shuichi Cowhara is blushing.

Step 2 on how to keep your shy cow relaxed for milking. Snuggles, kisses, and comfort. Be sure to have the cow on a nice, soft surface during milking. Make the cow really  _ feel _ loved and adored. Throw in some head pets as well for extra good measure, but always check in with your cow on whether they like to be pet or not.

"You're my favorite y'know..."

"You shouldn't pick favorites though…. The others tend to get... jealous… nn.."

"Let them be jealous then! ….And if they try to bully you because of it well…. I'm gonna be having a lot of **_hamburgers_** to sell~ =)"

“Wh- _ what?” _

"Nishi~ Oh you know i'm just kidding~ I would never hurt my precious cows~  **=)** "

“Ah… I know you wouldn’t, but it’s still scary to joke about, Kokichi…”

"Aw I'm sorry my beloved bovine, I never meant to scare you… I just care about you so much. The thought of you being bullied makes me… Actually, let's not think too deeply about that. This is a milking session after all~ <3"

Kokichi forgot to bring his bucket with him. Actually, he did bring one, but today was a veeery special session. So he needed more than 1 bucket because he’s gonna need more than one milk.

Oh well.

Step 3, preparation. Sessions can get wild sometimes with how sensitive certain cows get during milking procedures, so always make sure they are  _ thoroughly _ prepared.

"Hhh…. Kokichi…."

"You're still tense Shuichi…. Are you ok? You're usually way more pliable than this"

"Mm… I'm ok, I'm sorry I just… need a little more…."

"Hmm. Ok, I'm willing to give you as much as you need~"

"Mhm~ <3"

Step 3.5. If for some reason the cow is still tense after snuggles and preparation, some sweet talking may help speed up the process. The type of sweet talk that works depends on the cow.

“Wow Shuichi. You are SUCH a good cow~ Your milk is amazing and you’re so good at this uwuwuuwu”

  
  


"Hh, really?... > //<"

Kokichi stroked his hair softly, fingers running around the tiny barely noticeable horns as he continued with his praise, 

“Yes! Your milk produces the most sales compared to all of the others combined and you're just so much cuter than them… I would be more than satisfied having only you~"

Shuichi blushed a deep red and squirmed, the bell on his collar jingling as his ears twitched and flailed. "Ah… but… you wouldn't get rid of them... right?..."

"Of course not~ You know I would  _ never _ lie to you my beloved~ <3"

"Y-yeah…. Right... of course not…"

"Now then... Are you ready?"

Shuichi nodded once, his fluffy tail flicking against his handler gently.

Step 4. Pénétration. This is one of the most important steps in milking. 'Internal massages' help speed up the milking process as sometimes the 'Tug and Pull' technique is not enough to get a full bucket, especially if the cow has been milked fairly recently.

Shuichi whined as he felt his handler push inside of him. His tail twitched then flicked backwards and slapped Kokichi right in the face. That wasn't anything new though, this happened quite a lot.

"You're still whipping me with that tail of yours…."

"I can't, hhah…, help it…!"

"I know~ You're so cute like this~" Kokichi caught his tail as it flew towards him again. "All trembly and blushy and drooling~ And I haven't even really started yet!"

Yeah, he was quite sensitive. But he blamed the multiple orga-, uhm, milking sessions... 

Kokichi wrapped his arms around his torso and littered kisses along his spine as he sank his cock into him slowly, enjoying every twitch and groan coming from his favorite livestock. Shuichi panted and gripped tightly at the edges of the padded table he was bent over on top of. As he felt Kokichi pull out half way, he groaned in disapproval before letting out a high pitched moan as his handler gave him a hard thrust.

Kokichi nuzzled his face into the bovines hair, purring a bit as he rocked his hips at a decent pace, his thrusts deep and filling but purposefully avoiding the right spots. "I love your voice Shuichi… You're always so vocal during these moments, it's the cutest thing~ Scream more for me?" He asked, nipping at his fluffy ear and aiming one hit directly to his prostate.

Shuichi tensed up as a small shriek escaped him. Ooh, that spot was still a bit… sore from earlier. He let a breathless moan escape as he squirmed and mumbled incoherently. Kokichi nuzzled against his back with a giggle, one hand wrapping around his cock and stroking him slowly. "Good boy~ <3"

Kokichi's free hand rubbed circles on his ass before giving him a playful slap, getting a small yelp, then grabbing onto his waist and slamming his hips forward. The force of his thrusts shook the table a bit.

Shuichi bit at his arm as his whines grew louder and louder, his 'milk' starting to drip into the bucket placed underneath. The hand on his dick massaged at the base before giving a light squeeze and running his hand up and down expertly, coaxing more and more of that sweet milk to leak out. "Hhh, mmmmnn, K-Kokichi," he moaned deeply as he pushed back against the shorter male, tail trembling and whipping around in the air.

Kokichi tilted himself slightly to avoid the whipping tail before he pouted slightly then pulled out and peeked into the bucket. He stroked him a few more times before letting him go then climbing onto his favorite cow's back and pressing kisses against his ear, ignoring the annoyed huffs coming from the bovine. "It's sooo hard to keep my hands off you sometimes, I just adore you so much~"

"Mm.." Shuichi's blush spread to his ears and neck as Kokichi continued.

"You're productive, adorable, so soft, friendly, adorable-"

"Y-you said that twice…."

"I know," he giggled, tilting Shuichi's head slightly so he could bite and kiss along his exposed neck.

Shuichi's tail wiggled in between them before slipping between Kokichi's legs and wrapping itself around his thigh tightly. When Kokichi pulled away, Shuichi peeked over his shoulder at his handler, his golden eyes filled with lust and warmth. Kokichi snickered and pressed a kiss to his nose before sliding himself back then sheathing himself back into the cow's ass.

Shuichi tightened almost immediately and Kokichi wasted no time in pounding him into the table, his hand sliding back down to grip the bovine's dick. Kokichi's hand moved slowly, though he kept a firm grip on him, squirts of milk falling into the bucket as he rammed that over stimulated prostate of his.

Shuichi screamed, his back arching off the table a little and his tail tightening around his thigh. "AAAH!! KOKICHI!~"

"Is it good My beloved?~"

"Mhm! Mmoo~ <3 Really good!!~" he mooaned loudly, pushing himself back to meet the thrusts halfway as he drooled all over the table. "Soooo good~ I…. mmmnnmmoooo~"

Kokichi grinned as he continued to slap his hips forward. He was mooing more and more now, which means he was very close to filling his bucket. The purple haired farmer nuzzled against him as he moved his hand faster. "Let it go my sweet, sweet bovine~ I need all you can give me ok?~"

Shuichi made a strange noise between a deep groan and a moo as he tensed and came, his milky milk filling the bucket. Kokichi grunted as he felt himself cum as well, though his hand continued to tug and pull, getting every last drop out of the shy cow.

"Ahh~ a bountiful harvest, methinks." He giggled then pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Shuichi mumbled something tiredly.

Step 5. Clean up. It's very important to wash up after every session. Plus the lil bit of aftercare will really make the cow trust in you more and more…

"Come with me Shuichi dear! I'm gonna take you inside my house to bathe you tonight!" Kokichi exclaimed as he picked up the full bucket.

"Huh?... You've never done that before…"

"I know, but tonight I wanna do something special!"

"Oh… ok then…"

Kokichi took his hand before leading him out of the milking barn and towards his house. 

Shuichi seemed a lil nervous.

"I think once I have you all nice and cozy, I'll make myself some dinner…"

"Hm? What are you making?"

"Dunno yet! I'll think of something after I'm done with you =)"

………….

Kokichi hummed to himself as he kicked the door to his freezer closed. Well today has been very productive. Lots of milk and a full freezer. Plenty to sell for the next month or so. He snickered to himself as he hopped up the stairs back to his kitchen. Stew was ready!

He took a big bowl for himself then padded his way to his bedroom. Once there, he placed the bowl on the bedside nightstand then slid himself under his blanket and poked at the lump next to him.

"Shuichi, darling, i'm back~"

Shuichi wiggled then poked his head out from under the sheets. "Hm?... Oh… Where'd you go?...."

"Just cleaning up the fields and barn a little~"

"Cleaning up?..."

"Yep! But you just get more sleep ok? Big breakfast for you in the morning!" He cooed, taking the bowl of beef stew and placing it on his lap.

"Mm… m'k…"

Kokichi stirred his stew before putting a spoonful into his mouth. Mm, delicious as always…. He always did find the more annoying ones to have the most flavor!

"Nishishi, good night my beloved bovine~..."

Bonus~

Shuichi hummed as he looked around the open fields curiously. Something was off… He placed a hand over his own mouth, ears perked before he ran off towards the barn. There were 6 cows missing… And even though these 6 in particular tended to be very…. vulgar towards him, he couldn't help but wonder what happened to them. Everyone else was out and about already. He was only just leaving Kokichi's house now because he insisted on him getting extra sleep and having a larger than normal breakfast.

He felt so spoiled ... and it was nice but…

Shuichi huffed as he pushed the barn door open and peeked inside. Empty?... He frowned, his tail pushing itself between his own legs, as he walked inside and looked around. Were they hiding to try and scare him? No, it was too quiet for that... And the atmosphere just felt… strange.

Shuichi whimpered a little before running out of the barn and letting out a little shriek as he slammed right into Kokichi, barrling them both onto the soft grassy ground.

"Oof, hey hey, Shuichi what's wrong? Are you alright?"

Shuichi blinked then crawled off with an embarrassed expression. "Sorry, I just got a lil spooked is all…."

"Aww, what is it?" Kokichi asked as he stood and dusted himself off.

Shuichi stayed sitting in the grass, fidgeting with his fingers as his tail thumped along the ground anxiously. "Some of the other cows are… missing?"

Kokichi pressed a finger to his own cheek. "What? How many?"

"Like… 6 of them…"

"6?? Geez… Well if they aren't here, maybe they ran off……"

"Ran off? But why would they?" They seemed perfectly happy here, even if they did get pissed at Shuichi for being the favorite…. "It just didn't seem like they would want to?"

Kokichi shrugged. "Who knows! But, Shuichi? Are the ones missing the ones that kept calling you those terrible names?"

"Uh... Y-yeah…"

"So why are you so worried about them being gone? Isn't it better this way? That you won't be treated so horribly anymore?" Kokichi asked, petting at his face and head.

"...Even though they were mean to me, I still wouldn't want them hurt…"

Kokichi stared at him with a carefully blank face, it was a little unnerving…, before he smiled and giggled lightly. He ruffled Shuichis hair a bit then hugged his head. 

"You really are just the  _ sweetest _ , Shuichi~"

Shuichi blushed.

"Don't you worry your pretty lil head, my darling~" He cooed then pulled away to look directly into the cow's eyes, his own purple ones gleaming with amusement and something else… "You relax today and i'll try to find out what happened to them. Just leave it allll~ to me ok?~"

Shuichi still couldn't help the strange feeling that something was wrong. But the small kisses and pets dismissed those thoughts quickly. Kokichi wouldn't do anything to hurt him, so it was ok to trust him.

"Mm, ok… <3"

**Author's Note:**

> Are u still with me? I hope u got a laugh out of this at the very least. Ngl, i had fun writing it cause its so outlandishly ridiculous
> 
> Anyways im gonna share a few of my fave comments my friends and i left as i wrote this trash
> 
> -the mental image of saihara mooing like that is something i cannot bear, not bc i physically cant, but because i choose not to  
> -MJMWSEIO0RTJGUYRGHISNFW  
> M,OO  
> O9F8AERUGFTHETIH HSHHSHAHAHAAHAHAHAH  
> IHATE BUT LOVE THIS SO GUCKIN MUCH FUCK YOU OLDUHGVJFBHGdfuhGDLKJR  
> FVGDFGHDFFHD awful. continue.  
> -This is it. This is what sends me to hell. I thought orcahara was it but nono its this.  
> -kokichi ♪ the ♪ lying ♪ whore ♪ esrgojdfighdfhgd  
> kokichi: i’d never lie!  
> shu: why are your freezers so full then  
> kichi: [sweats]  
> kichi: uh. ice cream.  
> -Ya fuck one cow and suddenly ur the cow fucker  
> -Kichi sells shuichis dick milk  
> -WE DRINK COW SPERM
> 
> Anyways now that i have ruined milk for literally every one whos read this lmfao im gonna..... reevaluate my life a lil - v-


End file.
